dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
