is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
