You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
