I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
