sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
