there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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