If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
