thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
