We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
