It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
