Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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