2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Houston, we have a squirter
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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