I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
