He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
