We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize