U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
