How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That accounts for only three of the penises
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize