So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Randomize
