I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
