When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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