so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize