How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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