i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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