I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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