It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You are the jesus of drinking
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
