nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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