drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
