Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize