And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
not ubering you a puppy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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