I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
