I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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