I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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