I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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