I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I need moral support for this bender
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
