i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
