Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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