im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
