he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
