Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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