those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
