i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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