lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
