All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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