I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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