She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
