i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
