I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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