Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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