I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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