Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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