and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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