Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
