Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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