he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize