He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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