just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
