Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
