You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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