You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think we might need a safe word for this...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
