Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
