Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
