My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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