between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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