You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will be naked everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
