I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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