I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I could make wine with my vomit
birth control should be required to get into college
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
