his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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