First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
