Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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