I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
