Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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