the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
