I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
