All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
