seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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