I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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