Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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